This is me losing my blogging V card.
That was quick.
Imaginary Reader: "Dude, thats what she said."
Fuck you.
How are Dude Brahs not over that shit yet. Its been 6 years now, enough with the joke already. Next time someone busts out TWSS kill them with a blunt object. I feel we need to take a hard line on this, set some tough examples.
Ok, I'm getting off my soapbox.
Now I'm putting another soap box on top of that first soap box, getting a step ladder and climbing on the double decker box thingy.
Ah, thats better
Actually the sex/blogging comparison I started off with is a pretty good one.
As I type I'm painfully aroused, have no idea what I'm doing and you are not getting any pleasure from what I'm typing. It's all good, I'm gonna finish whether you do or not.
It's just...I'm having a hard time. I mean, I don't even know you. How can I make sweet intellectual love to you if I don't know who you are?
Ah fuck it, lets talk about teleporting.
If I had 3 wishes one of them would be for the ability to teleport. Think how much fun you could have wasting that kind of power? One second you're grabbing Jessica Biel's round, plump ass, the next you're eating a bean burrito covered in cheese.
I'd teleport in front of crazy people and vanish thus making them super double crazy. If I had a huge fart I'd teleport in ultimate farting position to Paris Hilton's face and bottom out on her beak of a nose. Those of you who don't know what the ultimate farting position is, stop reading right now.
The first thing I'd do with teleporting powers would be to teleport inside of a bank vault and take loads of cash. Next I'd launder that shit in a riverboat casino on the mighty Mississip under the guise of a wise old English Literature teacher named Professor Cumberbun.
After the money was kosher I'd travel around the world taking strange drugs and learning provocative dances in remote locations, each time teleporting back to my beddy bye when I got spooked.
The End.
1 comment:
As someone who has spent a great many hours contemplating the joys of teleportation, I commend you for your excellent description of its potential. I must remind you of one the greatest strengths of the power: There is never a time when you can't get beer. Good beer, even, not the skunked case of Keystone that wouldn't fit in the fridge the night before.
Also, you would never have to deal with "the drive back" again. Fuck the drive back.
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